September 22nd, 2004

Walter

I should sell T-Shirts

So I got a report that this website was broken... It shows pretty pictures of T-Shirts, including a relatively fancy section where you see the fronts of the new ones, and if you mouse over them, you get the backs.

Apparently it broke. After a good long time trying to figure out why, I found out that the new images they added are about six times larger than they have any right to be. In fact, if you load them and save them again with no changes, they shrink an average of %500. They can also break all the javascript on the page in just about evey browser I've tested. Good stuff!

Anyway, to test my theory, I made some of my own T-Shirts... Front and back images, with ad copy and everything. Like:

"A wearable celebration of John Romero's zombie sequel classics, Day Of The Dead (Front) and Dawn Of The Dead (Back). Even when there's no more room in hell, there'll still be room in this quality cotton T-Shirt."

Sadly enough, not only do they whiff on image conversion, they also don't seem to be all that talented at writing or spelling. My fake shirts appeared next to "real" products like "New Yrk. City Skyline T", described as "Original New York City Skyline TShirt with beautiful skyline image. Available in balck."

(I should never have given them permission to edit the color choices. Puce? Magenta? No, this season's signature colors are balue and balck.)

Maybe I should apply for work as a copy editor. Or that sweet JPEG resizing position that seems to be open. My Plan 9 From Outer Space shirt would probably sell better, too... It's got Tor Johnson on the back!

I almost wish I had some reason to sell t-shirts on the internet. I seem to be pretty well qualified. I already wrote lots of t-shirt code, I could probably do a much cleaner design (I hate frames! I hate them so bad!) take well composed pictures in legal JPG format, write witty descriptions... It's like, put me in, coach! But no, I make other people's websites, and then they file for chapter 11. But I'm not exactly envious of that last part.
  • Current Music
    Soundgarden - Bring 'Em Back Alive
Silly Hats Only

The weakest link

Okay. I know the whole "I work with idiots" thing is overplayed at this point, but...

There's this guy, who just sent us an angry email (and he did manage to write an email and hit send, keep that in mind for extra irony points) who is furious because he called us, has been on hold "forever" and finally was "hung up on" or something.

I would almost feel bad about our customer service, except that in our voicemail, we have three experimental music style recordings of increasingly frustrated heavy breathing, recieved about a minute apart. You'll never guess the caller ID.

HINT: When the voice menu lady says "Please leave a message", you are not on hold. Leave your name, number, and a brief message, and your party will return the call at their next convenience. Please try to get your entire head in front of the shotgun. Thank you for calling!
  • Current Music
    Soundgarden - Superunknown