June 29th, 2005

I'm batman.

If only Batman was here

We had another impromptu discussion of why Batman sucks today.

Apparently if you don't have super powers, you shouldn't "be allowed to be a superhero", and you're gay. I guess the arguement that an otherwise regular guy who is sufficiently motivated to train himself up to a superhero level of badassedness is extra badass for the DIY aspect does not hold up if you've only seen the (crappy) movies.

You could also argue that someone who didn't know Batman "used to be a comic" isn't really qualified to comment on the genre of Batman-related entertainment and media... I would tend to agree with that.

Conversely, Superman is cool, because he's super. And this is in no way diminished by the fact that a competely ordinary (bald) guy regularly outsmarts him and comes close to kicking his (super) ass on a regular basis, and that he wears bright red briefs on the outside of his tight, tight pants. I've also been informed that Ghost Rider is cool, because he's "a skeleton who's always on fire and rides a sweet bike around". Which is not super, per se (the person giving this arguement could not recall any specific super-powered abilities that GR possesed), but it is totally cool to always be on fire and have a skeleton head, especially if you ride around on a sweet bike. Especially if you take it over some fat jumps.

Batman's refusal to kill his enemies was also brought up... Not a good arguement when you're championing Superman, who also doesn't kill people, because he is invincible, feels morally superior, and is thought of as a family friendly comic. (I think it's much more interesting to be mortal, frequently in danger of being killed yourself, and WANT to kill your enemies, but refuse to, because you want to avenge a very personal murder without stooping to that level yourself.)

But the discussion was interrupted by a very large (2+ inch long) wasp attacking the office. We're not sure how it got in (currently, the assumption is that it just hauled back and kicked the door open, and then flew right in, in slow motion, with "Clubbed 2 Death" playing in the background).

I'm okay with bugs, and I like to escort them out and show them the door rather than commissioning the murder act forthwith, as it were, but it was scaring everyone. Seriously. I ducked in my chair a little so it didn't fly into my head, but I went right on with Lunch. "Too bad batman isn't here", I said, "He has no fear."

"Yeah, well if fucking Superman was here, he'd kill that thing!", said my highly knowledgable co-worker, from around the corner of the doorframe in the No Wasp Zone, with the door mostly closed, "Is it gone yet?"

"Maybe," I shot back, "But what if it was a Kryptonian wasp?"

"Fuck you! I bet Batman's allergic to bees!"

"I don't think he is. Also, that's not a bee, it's a wasp."

That never really got resolved, but we did determine that batman fans are 75% less likely to run out of the room screaming like a little girl during wasp attacks, as compared to superman fans.

Eventually, the wasp got served... It took three rolled up magazine hits (one in the air, two against a hard surface) and a kick before it finally stayed down. It did still seem to be intact, though, so I'm waiting for it to invoke the Friday The 13th Not Quite Dead Villan clause... If the garbage can in the kitchen suddenly explodes or falls over, we're in trouble.
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